If only I knew

I used to be a tomboy

An introvert

Someone who had few friends, when i was really young

You can say I had a lonely childhood

Back then all I wanted was to be pretty and popular.

I thought that would make me happy.

And then I grew older

Started growing out my hair, looking into fashion,

Had my first boyfriend, my first flings.

Guys started to find me cute.

But then I wanted something different, I wanted success.

I wanted the material things, I wanted to smart, good at sales, a leader.

I wanted to drive a luxury car, live in a beautiful condo, with J.

And I look at now, and some things I wished for came true,

Some didn’t.

I’m now the kind of girl I used to envy,

the kind of girl whom guys would like without even getting to know me… Just based on very superficial things

the kind of girl whom girls probably are jealous of.

im not trying to boast when I post this.

im just saying that it’s taken me so long to realize that…

What makes a person, what makes me happy

Is not the material things

Its not what you look on the outside

We’re taught to believe that if we look a certain way, act a certain way, and have certain things, we’ll be in control of our lives. That things will go our way.

But that’s just an illusion really.

Until now, I face the same uncertainties with my relationships.

I still face insecurities all the time.

Sometimes I feel like I can take on the world, sometimes I have no idea where I’m headed really.

And when you think that you have everything under control, life just gives you another challenge.

I guess that’s life.

All we can do, is just to trust our intuition, take a leap of faith, and pray for the best.

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Indecision

If there’s anything more painful than deciding,
It’s not deciding.
It’s being neither here
Nor there.

When I decided to change career
I hoped for your support.
Why is it that you can only see things from your view?
Is this the you I knew, 3 years back…

I’m glad to have found this opportunity.
Really.
I feel that I will excel.
I don’t wish you to be happy for me.
But I thought minimally,
You’ll not blame me for my decision.

Have I done wrong?
For this past 4 years
I’ve done all that I could.
For this cause.

But it struck me, just last year December.
That I wasn’t going anywhere.
And I had to move on.

Will you understand?

Is this love anymore.

A new chapter

A new chapter

Sometimes if we want our life to change, We need to dare to take steps & decide. All my life I’ve lived my life Trying to please everyone. Now, I need to decide What works best for me in life.

Life is a rollercoaster

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Unedited photos from Dempsey, what I had for lunch.

Met my old best friend today. We were chatting so much about the past, old school times.
How I’ve missed it.
The times where you had nothing to worry about.
Except flings, whether you’d flunk on exams, cutting classes & praying not to get caught, burning your school notes with fire after the papers…
Those were the times.
And most of the time we’d just ponder where to hang out after school, or to get a new hamster/rabbit as a pet.

It was good times.
And I’m glad to have met her today.
If I didn’t meet her, I guess I wouldn’t have been introduced to that company either.
Wouldn’t have met so many people, changed so much.
Much less wouldn’t have met you, J.

And when you look back,
You realise
How each encounter links up together
And brought you where you are today…

Cloud Atlas

Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we create our future.

Choices. 2013 means a brand new year, a new start. The beginning of change. Tomorrow I’ll be interviewing Sharp, for a sales executive position. Basic of $1k-$1.4k, with allowance of $900, for transportation and handphone reimbursement. If I’m driving, another $600. A total of $2,500 added onto whatever commissions I recieve. That’s option 1. Pros : A new working experience in something I’m strong in – sales. Allowance to drive my car. Cons : Unsure about environment and stress levels.

Option 2, is to continue studies while I open my online beauty store. Continue for a degree education in business and marketing. While I focus to build up my online business. Pros : More time to think about what I want and enjoy student life. Cons : Can’t provide for my family at the moment.

Option 3, stay put in my current line. In direct sales for medical products. Pros : Very experienced in this area, able to work with partner. Cons : Lack motivation and unsure of long term career here. Full commission based.

Which option?

Dream

I had a dream last night.
It was one of the happiest dreams I had in a long time.
In this dream,
I saw my favourite people.
Together.
It was like there was a rewind.
I went back to the beginning.
When everyone was still one clique.
And we met up like old friends.
And I saw you.
And you acted like there was nothing wrong.
Like all this shit didn’t happen.
You took my hand
Ran to the lift
The lift had curtains
It was the most beautiful lift I’ve seen.
And that moment.
I felt,
Even in my dream.
Happy.

I miss you all.