If your life were to flash you by like a movie, would you be happy with what you saw?

Today I saw a corporate video our HQ made. It was a beautiful video that marked major points and progress in our company, as well as corresponding important events worldwide. From 1940 onwards, stretching all the way till now. I don’t know why when I was looking at that video, I started to think, if my own life and achievements and turning points were played out like that video, would I be proud of what I saw? I thought back to the moments that I felt were my greatest achievements, my happiest  times, my biggest mistakes, my worst heartbreaks. I’m thankful for those happy  moments. These memories, they become a part of me, even when the people that exist in them, our relationship and us have changed. But I don’t know why I still remember all these things as clearly. They may have been six to seven years past, some less, but I remember them as clear as if it was just yesterday. Maybe these memories, I remember them not by my brain but by my heart. Because the heart never forgets. And similarly, the wounds that were inflicted, that hurt… I remember them by my heart as well. I wish I didn’t. I want to create a story of my life I would look back and smile at.

Three kinds of advice

When I was young, life used to be simple.

Right means right. Wrong means wrong.

People around told me that you should study hard. Work hard. Be honest, kind and good.

And I believed in it. 

But as I grew older. Suddenly, what is right and what is wrong, the line between them became blurred. 

And you start to realize that whatever advice people told you when you were young. They don’t even believe it.

And there are three kinds of advice in this world

The first one, given with bad intentions, meant for their own self interest and doesn’t help you.

The second one, given with good intentions, but without understanding your situation, doesn’t help you. 

The third one, given with good intentions, and is applicable to you, and ultimately brings you closer to your goals.

The issue we face is that sometimes we can’t differentiate them. Do you agree?

It’s always easy to point the finger at someone else

Just some thoughts recently,

Has it become human nature to play the blaming game?

I see it happen everywhere. 

In work. In relationships. From big decisions to small decisions.

Does it make people feel better to push the blame on someone else when something fucks up.

To me what I think very frankly.

If you screw up at work, don’t blame your superior for it. 

If you made a bad decision with a relationship, blame your own judgement.

If your company is doing like shit, stop blaming your staff.

I’ve screwed up too. I made bad decisions before in wrong judgement. But at the very least, I’ve always held this belief. 

In life, you’ve always had, and always will have a choice. 

If one day you stop believing you are the one that chose where you are today, and blame your circumstances instead, you will never move forward. 

To me it is as simple as that.

Because it is difficult to change the world. But you can change yourself. And to change your perception towards a problem only takes one moment. 

I’m disgusted by people that push the blame to others. 

Change yourself before you try to change others. 

Am I the only one who feels this way,

I used to be the kind of girl that believed in fairytale endings 

The kind of girl that believed people were good by nature 

Were we all like that once?

They say when you go through different experiences, you become stronger and wiser.

But I guess it changed my perception on people in general.

Seems that everyone have their own personal agenda for every action nowadays.

That’s the reason why I’ve always been hooked on to heroes – real life heroes or ‘superheroes’.

I just felt the idea, that one could go through pain, risk everything, for the sake of a better good, it was an ideal that I loved.

The harsh reality is that this kind of people are one in a million.

What’s easier to find are people intentionally hurting others for the sake of their own benefits.

I find myself naive, even, that I still dream of such an ideal.

The irony of it is that while I’m living in a first world country, where people are supposed to be all highly educated and smart,

It has become a rarity to see the basic values of kindness, honesty and emphaty.

You’re always there, everywhere

But right now I wish you were here.

I dreamt of you again, last night. Sometimes I wonder, if what I dream of, is what my innermost thoughts are. It’s like I don’t have any avenue to express them, except in my dreams.

You know how when you’re young, you can say anything and don’t think about the consequences?

I’ll admit I’m the exact opposite now. I talk a whole lot – to everyone – but exactly what is most important on my mind. 

But that dream last night, its like all the repressed feelings that even I wasn’t clear about became clear to me. 

That familiarity of you driving me, I missed it so much.

I think you’re alot like me. 

Acting strong, with the same drive. But within it exists the same emotional side you don’t show to anyone. 

Karma can be such a bitch

Do u believe in karma?
The law of cause and effect.

It’s true.
Whatever you do always comes back to you. It’s just a matter of time…

I’ve tried so hard in this relationship. Because of my mistakes in the past.
But in the end, I still got so badly hurt.

Is it really possible to start anew?
Can I put my trust and faith again.
Or should I start afresh and start over?

For once, I don’t have a clear answer.